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| First day of work for this summer. Same place as always. Yesterday I didn't want to start my boring boring job again, but I just remembered how much I actually like it, and it's not really horribly boring. The people there are nice and, at least for this week, I'm working in the back room with crazy Mel. A lot of people don't like Mel because he's...odd and says odd, inappropriate things, but he is good entertainment.
But I actually I started writing to bitch about the microwave. So my parents got this new microwave--and it's even WORSE than the last new microwave. I wanted to defrost some chicken, but it didn't let me just push DEFROST and enter five minutes.
No.
You have to push Defrost, then it says "FOOD" and you have to select "1. Ground Meat 2. Steaks/Chops", etc. Next, you have to enter the weight. However, it doesn't tell you this part in large capital letters, you just have to figure it out for yourself. This is all needlessly complicated and annoying. Once you enter the weight, it decides how long it thinks 1 1/2 pounds of chicken needs to defrost, which is always wrong because it has an inflated sense of its own power. Worst of all, after it starts defrosting, it STOPS every two minutes and beeps at you to "CHECK" on the chicken. Thank you, I am a grown woman and I know how to cook for myself. I don't need my microwave telling ME how to make my family dinner!
Goddammit.
I want my old microwave that had nothing but a microwave and a dial that I turned to 5 and no stupid buttons or beeping noises or bossin me around. | | |
| WELL, summer. I've been hanging out and getting a few miscellaneous things done, but mostly it's just been a whole lot of lovely nothing before school and work start next week. I have my own shiny bright new green bedroom with my loves now. It's sooo wonderful and I had sooo much fun putting my stuff away and giving places to things. The cats aren't allowed in my room so that Richard and I have a bed we aren't allergic to. It's sad because the kitties like my room, and through liking my room it's kind of like they like me, but it's also good not to be allergic to your bed.
I got my tooth fixed (mostly) yesterday. It was GREAT. They put Valium in my arm (I asked the anethesiologist what was in the IV and he was clearly annoyed that I asked--he muttered "diazapam, benzodiazepines, narcotics". He phrased it that way to shut me up, but his answer was satisfactory enough for me). Then I went familiarly woozy, closed my eyes, and for the next couple of hours I was vaguely aware of people talking around me, but in general the next thing I remember is being in a wheelchair and about to go home. Limner helped me go to the bathroom before we left, where I discovered that the needle had been left in my arm and I if I hadn't had to pee we'd probably have just -gone home with it-.
My tooth feels so much better now though, but the dentist (a fabulous wonderful great dentist who I wish could be my dentist all the time but he can't because he's a specialist) recommends I have a real crown put on it at some point relatively soon. I do not know if this will happen--I may simply have to resign myself to imperfect dental condition for the time being. I definitely have to make lots of money when I grow up so that I can have intravenous Valium every time people try to stick pointy metal things in my mouth.
I'm going to go play something else now. | | |
| OK, it's high time I figured this out--
How exactly am I supposed to reply to comments that other people write in my journal? Back in the day on OpenDiary, we used to go to the other person's journal and write "RE: This is a response to your comment". But I haven't seen anyone do that here.
Once somebody told me you just leave a reply comment in your own journal so that the person you're writing to never ever sees it unless they go back and check YOUR journal for it.
I find this ineffective. Is this what you guys actually do?
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| So, yet more delay in getting my mouth fixed. Now they're just sending me to a different dentist who routinely does IV sedation, which is kind of a shame because I liked the previous dentist, but also is a better idea. Even though it turns out not to be any cheaper. I'm just hoping my tooth will refrain from hurting me until I can get it fixed, which could be over a month away. And hopefully it will if I just keep taking antibiotics.
This week is stressful. I'm a perfectionist. I want to do everything well or not do it at all, and for the next couple of weeks I just don't have that option. No matter how hard I try I always seem to have a definite cap on the amount of work I can do... after I reach it, I just can't do anything. I just can't memorize any more dead cat muscles. I've been trying to remove myself from guilt, because I'm going to do the best I can and I know this. I shouldn't feel guilty if my best isn't good enough, and I can't go back and get a better start on things.
I've discovered what I feel, which is that being a nursing major is a sacrifice of now for the future. I think I might not usually do such things. I question it all the time. There's so much pressure at this school in nursing, and granted I'm removed from some of it by being in honors--but those people, and that environment, are what I'm going into when I go to nursing school. I always say, though, that whatever happens, happens. Hee--it seems that life is set up to allow me to feel just enough powerlessness that things don't go my way, and just enough control to make it my fault!
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my first date with Richard. Unfortunately we both feel like shit this week, but it's still something I can think about and be happy about. It's not just my anniversary with Richard, it's the anniversary of the beginning of these two people I love coming into my life. Of a new phase. I have been feeling particularly loved, recently.
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| I'm secretly really spiritual or something like it, and I never let it show much. I was thinking the other day of how I mildly disapprove (or something, because I don't seem to actually disapprove very much anymore) when people do things that are against their spiritual beliefs. I ate lunch the other day with Liz and this girl I don't really know from my honors committee, and--leaving out of the details of just how the conversation got here cuz it's complicated--she ended up talking about how she thinks premarital sex is wrong, but she and her boyfriend have tried to stop, and they just can't...
I don't know how people live with so much inner disharmony. My advice would be to just stop thinking premarital sex is wrong. That's what I do. But then again the entire basis of my spirituality is kind of doing what I feel.
And yeah, I do think my way is the best way. I can't help it.
My first year of college is nearly over. And it's strange to think about, but I also feel like I'm not really allowed to think about it and see it for what it is yet. As things are planned now, I only have one year left here, and with the same people, then everyone splits up and I go back to Houston and to nursing school. Despite the crappy parts and the inconvenience, I feel like 2 years just isn't long enough to spend in Denton. Maybe I go home too much. And maybe in a year I won't feel the same way. Maybe it's a physical manifestation of my desire to put off the real world. But Denton's groovy, and I like being a part of it.
I want to make a list of all the new things I've done and learned in the past year, but I never like to show lists like that to other people.
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